im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
