Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
