Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize