Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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