I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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