tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize