Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
