OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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