DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
