Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
