So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
