I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
