I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize