So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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