You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
