She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
