So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I cut my penus on the lid.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
