the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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