Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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