She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
