Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize