since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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