I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
