I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
