its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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