Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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