Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
