im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
