At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
