I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
