Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
