I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
