You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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