I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
