True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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