ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
nutella sex= disaster
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
