Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
