Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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