Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
