captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize