If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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