East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
