You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just googled if crying burns calories
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
