The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
