Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
