you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize