dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
