the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
