I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
