i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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