do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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