No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm bleeding and have questions
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
