I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You ate ashes out of my bong
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