I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
