Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?

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(305): View more from Florida

You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.

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(904): View more from Florida

Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills

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(410): View more from Maryland

and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot

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