I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
