Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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