i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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