I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
