id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
