There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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