i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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