im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
