Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
