I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
