he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
