That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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