I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
