Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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