Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
