He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
