you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
