Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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