Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
