I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
