I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
